Priest Molests Boy To Get Transfer(more late night satire)

after serving in the same parish for 30 years father potts of Boston decided to start molesting boys in order to get transferred to another more dynamic parish in Los Angelo's. "I was tired of this congregation," said father potts. "every Sunday the same old lame people stuck in the 40's would show up. i mean come on, its a post Vatican 2 world. we need rock music not a return to the latin mass"

according to diocese records father potts applied for a transfer 8 times over a 15 year period and was turned down each time. cardinal walter who oversees all parish assignments said, "father potts needs to be content where he is at and stop romanticizing about other congregations. if the grass looks greener on the other side its because your not taking care of your own flock." in an exclusive interview with local a news station father potts was quoted as saying, "after molesting over 30 boys they finally approved my transfer. i now can go to California or Chicago. what a blessing"

ironically the catholic church has paid out an estimated 1 billion dollars over the past ten years in priest sex abuse cases including 35 million to clean up after father potts yet little has been done to rectify the transfer angst that exists with so many priests. "we are considering the matter very seriously," said cardinal walter. "we simply have to find a better way to transfer priests without it costing us so much money. father potts should have stated in his first letter that he was going to molest boys, then we could have transferred him right away."

irregardless with recent pronouncements by the Vatican that a 1 boy 1 transfer policy will be instituted by next year the problem of disgruntled priests feeling trapped in dying congregations in a dying faith may be solved.

MIB to be deleted from film vault (my satire for the week)

the National Organization of Women (NOW) and the National Transgender League(NTL) have successfully filed suit in the 9th circuit court of California to have Hollywood remove all gender specific references from films including the scripts, screen titles, and dialogues. "We believe these films perpetuate misogynistic stereotypes and convey an ethos of female inferiority and thats why we have worked so hard to achieve what we have achieved this day" stated Betty Frigid of NOW. "We have suffered so much in this country and in a male dominated world. by eliminating these references in gender specific films we can change the way people think and eliminate prejudice against women worldwide."

Several Hollywood executives who did not want to be named have stated that fan favorites such as 'Spiderman', 'Superman' and the 'X-Men' will all be refilmed and rewritten in order to comply with what they believe will be more politically correct and gyno safe dialogue. According to one exec 'SpiderPerson 4' will be out in 2010 and 'SuperPerson Returns' will debut in the spring 2011. Some obstacles will have to be overcome though in order to release 'X-Persons' because it sounds so vague and no one is sure if anyone would actually go see a movie with that title. "Its important that creative freedom and movie goer preferences be subject to a small minority of people who are easily offended " , stated one Hollywood Producer "we have even considered making superman... i mean person, a transsexual because they are really super people."

Of major concern is the film 'Men In Black' or 'MIB' which would have to be changed to 'Persons In Black'. many on the Hollywood inside just don't think it would do well. some fear that the only thing to do in order to prevent the spread of patriarchal structures through portrayal of female inferiority by the use of gender specific terms such as 'men', 'male' and 'man' is simply to burn all films and scripts that have these terms. it has been rumored that 'MIB' s digital master has been deleted already and that all thats left is to collect the remaining copies and destroy them. "we must stamp out all that is offensive for the greater good" stated Frigid.

in response to NOW and the NTL and what will eventually be a supreme court victory an online underground of black market for 'gender specific' films has quietly formed and has marked over a million downloads of 'SpiderMan' with the old title still unerased just in the last month. and the United States Marine Corp has petitioned the president to keep "A few good men" as a slogan despite righteous indignation of an angry minority.

the recent success of Batman has also been very very problematic. with so many people going to see the movie no women have come forward to complain about the title. "It will be changed to 'Bat Person'," said Frigid angrily. "if you think im going to stand by while women are shamed liked this your all crazy."